Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Negativity

I know this is where I usually post what I've created over the past week or two but this one's going to be a little different because of what's been spinning around in my head for the past couple weeks. And I did complete a few projects but there's only one I'm going to post because it falls in line with the topic. Negativity. Why is it so easy to believe every negative thing we hear? Why is it so easy to recall every negative word? I know I can't be the only person that can clearly recall every negative hateful doubtful  word that has ever been spoken to me. It jumps to the forefront with ease whereas any positive loving words I have to think about and usually I am justifying them as I hear them. The justification makes it easier to disregard them later on. I tend to qualify the positive and hold onto the negative. And I found myself doing that a lot lately and it digs a really really deep hole that is practically impossible to climb out of. I am trying to be better. And this is not something that I suddenly realized about myself at almost 43 years old. This has been an ongoing problem and I really wish there was a solution, a way to forget all the past hurt and just move forward with the lesson. It's way too easy for me too understand,acknowledge and attempt to learn from the lesson while maintaining the negativity. And I don't understand that at all. It's like every hateful word gets stored behind some permanent impenetrable vault. It's when i have those tiny quiet moments of self-doubt that make me question everything, usually after making a mistake or having my feelings hurt, then my vsult opens and I am flooded with crap that isn't even relevant to the situation.
I had one day where I was overwhelmed stressed and trying to keep a smile somewhere,if not on my face, at least, in my heart and it was practically impossible.  No matter how hard I tried it seemed like the whole world was fighting against allowing that to happen. The tipping point was pain and as I lashed out at the stupidity that was taking over my world I clearly saw my role in it. Instead of pulling back and removing myself from the world for a minute or two I called myself stupid and that allowed a flood of negativity to engulf me. I became so very small and lost in the midst of every mean thing that I've heard. And I couldn't escape into a book or project. I swear I used to be better at handling these moments but I say that about my depression too: The truth is I wasn't. I was better at protecting those I cared about from my moments, I was better at the fake it 'til you make it way of doing things.  I thought that I was protecting them but I was really making sure I wouldn't be rejected. Trying not to hear one more word to put on my list. Now in an attempt to counter the past couple of weeks I will dig around my brain for some positive reenforcement. I remember my Pre-K/kindergarten teacher telling me she preferred my siblings to me, I should be able to recall some love from the same time. I am going to actively work on shutting the negative down,locking it up or piling so much happy and love on it everything else is drowned out.
Happy crafting

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Creative Chemistry 103

I'm not late. Creative chemistry 103 was a new class and not a refresher so there was a ton of techniques crammed into one week. And we had time to look over the videos and play with the techniques for the week. I tend to be a little slower than the average bear especially during monsoon season when the weather has way more effect on my health than I really want it to. This time I did something a little bit differently than I've done in past Tim classes. I played with several techniques on the tag or project instead of making the technique example tags. I know me so sometime in the near future I will go through all the classes again and make the tags as he did in the videos but for now I'm just going to go with what I did this round. Besides,my new craft sheet hasn't arrived yet and my current one is beat to hell. I've accidentally cut it twice now and electrical tape can only do so much. When the new one arrives I'll be able to cut this one down to a couple of project sheets. Waste not.

This tag was from day one. I used 4 of the DIY pads I made. I thought buying 6 would be more than enough but they are so much fun I need a few more. 
Another day 1 tag. Pulled out one of my older stamps. Day 2 and again I pulled older supplies.  7 gypsies and Heidi Swapp rub-ons. This is going on a 6x6 layout that has been sitting on my desk.
Day 2 and one of my Club Scrap stamps. They were my first kit club 17 years ago when I started scrapbooking. I was surrounded by 'flowers and bunnies' scrapbooks and supplies so between Club Scrap and Ranger I developed my style.
This will become a collage/mixed media piece inspired by a Prince song when I hear the right one. Majority of my mini canvases are done that way. Oh it's a day 4 tag.
I know most people won't get this tag, Renée didn't at all but it tickles me and will be put in an Arthat journal with an explanation.  This is a blend of days 2 and 3 except I used black embossing paste.
Another day 3 and I used Wendy Vecchi embossing paste which reacts differently than the one used in Time class. I  love both and when I made this it was for anow idea that had been on my mind. Now I'm not sure if i'll do it but I love the tag so I'm sure it will find another home. 
This one combines day 1 with day 3. I see it on a layout at some point. I used the kraft tag pad from Prima for a few of these. They are small but sturdy. 
There was a theme to my playing this class. Everything had a sense of freedom and movement.  I'm hoping it was my excitement at my bike finally being repaired coming through in my scraproom. 

I've enjoyed the weekly blogs. I didn't feel remotely pressured like last time I tried this. I'm going to commit to another 2 months and go from there. Thanks to all those that actually checked out my puttering and ramblings. Happy crafting. 

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Summer of Creative Chemistry wk 8

Right now I am missing my Phoenix Art Museum membership. I love going there just to sit in the midst of all the beauty and artwork and just soak up the color was amazing. As soon as I can afford it getting another membership ASAP. While I was there I went to the white shirt display,the white shirt according to me, Gianfranco Ferre`, and it was unbelievable. I took a ton of pictures, not sure what I was going to do with them, this week in Tim's creative chemistry class was perfect. While I have all these photos sitting there being pretty I really wanted to do something that summed up the experience. So a quick layout for one of my books and I'm sure there will be a mini book of all the other photos from that trip. While all the shirts naturally were white I decided to add a pop of color just to make it more me. There is one shirt I absolutely adored and took tons of pictures of that I really wanted to use but I've not found the perfect way to make it look like the fire it is in my head. Once I  play with it some more I will post that one.
On to a small rant. Why the hell aren't any of my alphabet stickers sticky? Is it too much to ask that a STICKER, a flippin' sticker, adhere to a surface! WTF? Rant over

Friday, July 22, 2016

Summer of Creative Chemistry wk 7

I know that I should have posted this yesterday but life was interrupting all the plans I've  had for the past week. I did manage to play with my alcohol inks and complete a few projects I can't post. I don't like to share the things that I make for people before they've received them. Ruins the surprise. Some I like,some will be scrapped. This is the whole point of playing.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Still creating (SofCCwk6)

This week was a little different, creatively, for me. I allowed way too much physical stuff  to interfere with my process.  Usually I send pain and stress to back of my mind but the tyrant/teenager who seems to know everydamnthing and absolutely nothing made that difficult. So in honor of July 4th and the freedom October 19th will bring I did a @timholtz 12 tags and a journal page.

  I feel like this is what I've been doing with my memories for months, piecing out all the extra baggage and BS so I can preserve the important parts.  The love and the laughter,  reciprocated or not, I'm choosing to keep them.

  This is a border I did with the layering stencils.  You can't see the clear embossed layer in the  pic but it's the ruler  This turned out to be a good surprise.  I  picked up what I thought was a strip of blank manila cardstock and started inking to discover the image stamped in white.  So I went with it . I added stenciling in browns,tans and grays so you see different things from varying angles.  I added it to my Misc. journal where I play with new things and sketch and clear my head. I absolutely love the stripes stencil for adding guide lines for me. Because I write upside down if I don't have something to occasionally guide my writing when turned right side up it tends to go up. This is one of my favorite journals. I have killed a lot of ideas here and discovered even more.
Until next week,  happy crafting! 

Friday, July 8, 2016

Summer of Creative Chemistry wk 5 session 2. I love Prince

I'm not late. This session ends on Fridays, thank goodness. So this week I've played around with a lot of the techniques because I love the distress paints. Love the versatility. But when it came time to actually make something I drew a blank in the beginning of the week. And it was a long, long week. I went 5 days with less than a total of 3 hours sleep so it made me a little edgy, cranky, anxious,  all out crazy. And during that time I listened to a lot of music because what else can you do when you can't sleep and can't focus enough to read. Sometimes it's really hard for me to organize a playlist. I have a lot of music and it's pretty eclectic. Every once in a while I will start to build a playlist but I usually lose steam after about an hour or so. So then I allow all my music to shuffle through and go through the headache of fast-forwarding through some of my meditation music or tribal music or Christmas songs. I know one day I will actually sit down and get my playlists together but i have a solid back up plan until that miracle happens. I have one complete playlist on every device. It's well thought out and there is never a moment when I wouldn't want to listen. My Prince playlist is flippin amazing. While some of you may click on an artist and listen I cannot do that with Prince.  I used to make it a point to make his music into a playlist because of the lovesexy CD but now the main reason is i have over 1,ooo tracks. And while I love,love, love his music I have a lot duplicates, some extended tracks, instrumentals and lovesexy. For those of you that have it, you understand, Prince recorded the album as a single track, a 45 minute track. If I'm running errands I have no problems listening to lovesexy but if I'm on the treadmill or at my scrap table or trying to create something the 45 minutes and can be a bit much, it forces you to listen to it, sing along to it and to really focus on it. So it's one of the ones I take off along with the 16 minute version of 'Adore'. Surprisingly I keep my 21 minute version of 'Crystal Ball' and at least 2 versions of 'I Hate U'. So while I was in the shower with my Prince playing it made me realize, all over again, just how much I'm going to miss Prince. The entire soundtrack of my life has always been done to Prince. The first song I ever sang poorly and butchered badly was the Prince song 'Why you wanna treat me so bad?' And I remember singing it in the garage in Oak Park, 22nd Ave/44th St., it was on the radio and catchy and my 5 year old brain translated it to "why you wanna drink my soda?"(my lyrics became a family joke) But I was a fan before I knew what a fan was. And while  my mom hated it, Bobby made sure I heard every song. Singing the 'Dirty Mind' album on the playground is apparently frowned upon by everyone but my big brother. Prince was playing when i got dressed for my first dance at Kerr. Prince was playing after I found out my sister passed.  He was screaming in the delivery room when I gave birth to Reneé, 'the most beautiful girl in the world'. He was all I could bear to hear when my brother passed. The highs,lows and every single breath in between has been lived with Prince singing me through. When I purchased his last album I had no idea it would be his last album,the last compilation put together by the musical genius that was Prince Rogers Nelson. My heart aches. Hopefully, he's helping Bobby with the guitar from 'Dinner with Dolores' or 'Orgasm'. Rest in peace, Michelle Reneé, Robert Marcellus and Prince Rogers.

Paisley Park is in your heart 
Sometimes it snows in April 
the journaling was done after days without sleep.  It reads
Ladybug- n. My kid, a wish come true, a miracle  abbrev. Bug
Had I known the name might trigger certain characteristics would she have a different nickname? Instead of flighty,on the prowl for temporary happiness maybe I should have called her 'pious workhorse'.

Monday, June 27, 2016

Summer of Creative chemistry wk 4

So this week I discovered one of my favorite scrapbooking stores is closing.  Like so many here in the valley I've lost most of the places I like to visit, create at and get inspiration from.  Luckily, with an hour drive, I still have the Occasional Artist  in Glendale .  But it is shocking to me that  ETC, as it is now known, is closing the store. Almost as shocking as when I found out that they had sold Bazzill. This did explain why they had gone from being the best stocked LSS in my area to me finding stuff I needed online. BTW,  so flippin grateful for Bluemoon in Tucson. This makes 4 for me: A Scrappers Dream (it truly was. I made great friends there), Ink it! (Loved being on their DT), Mystic Paper (loved the owners and the amazing classes)and now Scrapbooks,etc. I'm hoping that this encourages us to support our local mom and pop shops. Unfortunately,  my 'local' seems to be moving further away.

So aside from losing a familiar place I managed to get a little creative. Very little, having my left hand useless is driving me crazy. But I managed to do something I constantly put off. And
I do this all the time. Make a lot of things ,try out various techniques and then it all sits in a big pile to be discovered years later, untouched. Then I pull them out because they're pretty or an interesting color combination catches my eye and still do nothing with it. This time I decided I'm actually going to turn them into cards, at least. A few things have inspired other projects. So as I'm going through this weeks tags and papers before they are added to a pile i discover a few obvious cards. For some reason I felt a little masculine, it seems to me, with a lot of my creating this week but that is almost excusable since Father's day was not that long ago. Granted it means absolutely nothing to me but maybe subconsciously the whole spirit of the holiday snuck in. This means those cards will probably be going into a stack that will be made into gifts. I discovered that one of my most loved gifts to people is a stack of cards for just about anything that saves them time and the $5 +.  Whatever happened to the  $1.50 cards? It's a good thing for me. I like making them and I really like making people's lives a little easier.  I just found some of my older stamps, a lot of butterflies. I'm guessing next week will be pretty perky.