Negativity

I know this is where I usually post what I've created over the past week or two but this one's going to be a little different because of what's been spinning around in my head for the past couple weeks. And I did complete a few projects but there's only one I'm going to post because it falls in line with the topic. Negativity. Why is it so easy to believe every negative thing we hear? Why is it so easy to recall every negative word? I know I can't be the only person that can clearly recall every negative hateful doubtful  word that has ever been spoken to me. It jumps to the forefront with ease whereas any positive loving words I have to think about and usually I am justifying them as I hear them. The justification makes it easier to disregard them later on. I tend to qualify the positive and hold onto the negative. And I found myself doing that a lot lately and it digs a really really deep hole that is practically impossible to climb out of. I am trying to be better. And this is not something that I suddenly realized about myself at almost 43 years old. This has been an ongoing problem and I really wish there was a solution, a way to forget all the past hurt and just move forward with the lesson. It's way too easy for me too understand,acknowledge and attempt to learn from the lesson while maintaining the negativity. And I don't understand that at all. It's like every hateful word gets stored behind some permanent impenetrable vault. It's when i have those tiny quiet moments of self-doubt that make me question everything, usually after making a mistake or having my feelings hurt, then my vsult opens and I am flooded with crap that isn't even relevant to the situation.
I had one day where I was overwhelmed stressed and trying to keep a smile somewhere,if not on my face, at least, in my heart and it was practically impossible.  No matter how hard I tried it seemed like the whole world was fighting against allowing that to happen. The tipping point was pain and as I lashed out at the stupidity that was taking over my world I clearly saw my role in it. Instead of pulling back and removing myself from the world for a minute or two I called myself stupid and that allowed a flood of negativity to engulf me. I became so very small and lost in the midst of every mean thing that I've heard. And I couldn't escape into a book or project. I swear I used to be better at handling these moments but I say that about my depression too: The truth is I wasn't. I was better at protecting those I cared about from my moments, I was better at the fake it 'til you make it way of doing things.  I thought that I was protecting them but I was really making sure I wouldn't be rejected. Trying not to hear one more word to put on my list. Now in an attempt to counter the past couple of weeks I will dig around my brain for some positive reenforcement. I remember my Pre-K/kindergarten teacher telling me she preferred my siblings to me, I should be able to recall some love from the same time. I am going to actively work on shutting the negative down,locking it up or piling so much happy and love on it everything else is drowned out.
Happy crafting

Creative Chemistry 103

I'm not late. Creative chemistry 103 was a new class and not a refresher so there was a ton of techniques crammed into one week. And we had time to look over the videos and play with the techniques for the week. I tend to be a little slower than the average bear especially during monsoon season when the weather has way more effect on my health than I really want it to. This time I did something a little bit differently than I've done in past Tim classes. I played with several techniques on the tag or project instead of making the technique example tags. I know me so sometime in the near future I will go through all the classes again and make the tags as he did in the videos but for now I'm just going to go with what I did this round. Besides,my new craft sheet hasn't arrived yet and my current one is beat to hell. I've accidentally cut it twice now and electrical tape can only do so much. When the new one arrives I'll be able to cut this one down to a couple of project sheets. Waste not.

This tag was from day one. I used 4 of the DIY pads I made. I thought buying 6 would be more than enough but they are so much fun I need a few more. 

Another day 1 tag. Pulled out one of my older stamps. Day 2 and again I pulled older supplies.  7 gypsies and Heidi Swapp rub-ons. This is going on a 6x6 layout that has been sitting on my desk.

Day 2 and one of my Club Scrap stamps. They were my first kit club 17 years ago when I started scrapbooking. I was surrounded by 'flowers and bunnies' scrapbooks and supplies so between Club Scrap and Ranger I developed my style.

This will become a collage/mixed media piece inspired by a Prince song when I hear the right one. Majority of my mini canvases are done that way. Oh it's a day 4 tag.

I know most people won't get this tag, Renée didn't at all but it tickles me and will be put in an Arthat journal with an explanation.  This is a blend of days 2 and 3 except I used black embossing paste.

Another day 3 and I used Wendy Vecchi embossing paste which reacts differently than the one used in Time class. I  love both and when I made this it was for anow idea that had been on my mind. Now I'm not sure if i'll do it but I love the tag so I'm sure it will find another home. 

This one combines day 1 with day 3. I see it on a layout at some point. I used the kraft tag pad from Prima for a few of these. They are small but sturdy. 

There was a theme to my playing this class. Everything had a sense of freedom and movement.  I'm hoping it was my excitement at my bike finally being repaired coming through in my scraproom. 

I've enjoyed the weekly blogs. I didn't feel remotely pressured like last time I tried this. I'm going to commit to another 2 months and go from there. Thanks to all those that actually checked out my puttering and ramblings. Happy crafting.