My first thought when I woke up today

The greatest lie and truth ever told: life is short. Our individual lives are short, barely a blip, a ting maybe. Some shorter than others but even the woman that celebrates 112 years is a blip, maybe a bleep but a resounding gong is only achieved by love luckily gratefully not lifespan. Life has been long, not mine or any living human being but life itself. Visit a park, my favorite place after a beach. The trees are alive, growing, changing adapting. They don't crumple under a shift in the weather. The don't break when their beauty isn't recognized or stand taller in their strength. The are not mourned in their passing, not as they should be. They are alive, living, they are life. A blade of grass a single tulip, all alive. Life is on going and whether it was the big bang or breath of life from Goddess life is the beginning millions of years billions of people. The end of a life is an undeniable short thing but life is not. A human life is extended past the last breath by the hate or love that lingers behind. I want to be a bleep hopefully a gong. I don't know what to call those whose memories of the hate they inflicted on the world allow them to not die but unfortunately there's love in it. Sometimes the love to replicate sometimes the love for the possibility of never having the hate duplicated, learn from the past to not repeat it and all that jazz. But love, love has given some individuals hundreds of extra years, thousands. I'm biased of course but do you think Prince will die any time soon, his music that has spanned decades that will inspire generations that haven't been conceived yet. It's not the love of his music that will allow him eternal life or genius talent. It's the love from and for Prince Rogers Nelson. The anecdotes, memories, laughs, crys. I think constantly about Shell and Bobby, the love they had for me the love I have for them. The laughs, discipline, concerns celebrations hand outs, pull ups. I share my 23 and 30 years of love with my kid and their kids and they'll pass their love mixed with mine to their kids and friends and so on. That's the only way to make my far too short life extend past the ting of my last breath, drop the anger worry stress any negativity and love my way into joy, happiness beauty a blip. Love to forever so if/when the end comes it's love waiting to grow again and expand.

Late again (I meant to upload 11/10/17)

Truer words...
Anyone that's knows me knows that I am always running late. I can say I'm overwhelmed or blame circumstances beyond my control because occasionally those are very true statements. It's the other times that only a few people who know me tease and get annoyed by:
Shiny object syndrome - a full moon will distract me instantly. The crazy squirrels that run along the fence will throw minutes right out the window
Procrastination - I admit freely that this has always been an issue, not a problem but an issue. Some of my best work pops up with a deadline over my head.
Great authors - I like to read and putting a book down mid chapter is hard for me. I've been late a few times to finish a story. My daughter learned I can tune out the entire world when I'm in a book. A wonderful quality during the I'm-crying-cuz-the-sky-is-blue years not so much in the pick up from work era
And the least acceptable, especially to non-crafters, but most understood by people I love who love me, my desk.
My scrap room desk is hard to escape from. Once I fully engage it holds me hostage and rarely allows me to dictate the projects or order of things. It's like Vegas casinos, once I go in i can't see what's going on outside, I don't know the time, day, anything, I just have to keep putting colors down.

So in October when I decided to start blogging again I had a game plan on what the upcoming months projects and ideas would be. How I would better manage my time. I planned to practice drawing in my journal I made, Get my Christmas cards done. Work on carving my messy handwriting into a stamp.
And I am late, again. Thanksgiving is rushing up on me and I think I have 2 Christmas and 1 Kwanzaa card made. October wasn't all squirrels and good books. I had a ball creating stuff. I finished my sketchbook to practice drawing in.  Different types of papers/textures, Coptic stitch binding, haven't drawn a thing in it yet. Made a few dozen atcs for my bestie and played around with various backgrounds and techniques. Finished a commissioned baby book.

So my desk has been messy, my hands stained yet I will be rushing to have holiday cards finished for all the people on my lists, again

Again...going to make it stick

I have tried for years to make my blog a part of my process and have failed, repeatedly.  I did well last year, keeping up with the TH classes but I need to be my own motivator. I'm going to be realistic and commit to monthly posts. If the mood hits it can be more frequently but I need to be accountable to someone other than myself so if one person reads this, thanks for helping me out.
I'm starting now because another birthday has passed and I refuse to add Taylormade to the list of things that I have been too insecure to follow through on so good bad or messy I'll share the creative mess that pops up/out. It might be a lot since I am going to put serious effort into teaching myself to draw. TG for my Jane Davenport book.
And to make sure I really practice I had to make a book specifically for my efforts. Today I have spent some serious quality time with my awl. My covers are made, signatures finished and tomorrow it's putting it all together.
This past month or so I managed to make a few cards, do a few layouts (personal, a baby album and a couple for my 'dream' album). I even participated in a Tim Holtz tag swap. My first swap in many many moons.
I have a ton of projects rolling around my head (Reneé's ridiculously corny birthday card) for October. I have a few things in the works for friends and family that I hope turn out as amazing as they are in my mind. I guess I should start dreaming up Christmas/Kwanzaa/holiday cards.

Happy Crafting

Negativity

I know this is where I usually post what I've created over the past week or two but this one's going to be a little different because of what's been spinning around in my head for the past couple weeks. And I did complete a few projects but there's only one I'm going to post because it falls in line with the topic. Negativity. Why is it so easy to believe every negative thing we hear? Why is it so easy to recall every negative word? I know I can't be the only person that can clearly recall every negative hateful doubtful  word that has ever been spoken to me. It jumps to the forefront with ease whereas any positive loving words I have to think about and usually I am justifying them as I hear them. The justification makes it easier to disregard them later on. I tend to qualify the positive and hold onto the negative. And I found myself doing that a lot lately and it digs a really really deep hole that is practically impossible to climb out of. I am trying to be better. And this is not something that I suddenly realized about myself at almost 43 years old. This has been an ongoing problem and I really wish there was a solution, a way to forget all the past hurt and just move forward with the lesson. It's way too easy for me too understand,acknowledge and attempt to learn from the lesson while maintaining the negativity. And I don't understand that at all. It's like every hateful word gets stored behind some permanent impenetrable vault. It's when i have those tiny quiet moments of self-doubt that make me question everything, usually after making a mistake or having my feelings hurt, then my vsult opens and I am flooded with crap that isn't even relevant to the situation.
I had one day where I was overwhelmed stressed and trying to keep a smile somewhere,if not on my face, at least, in my heart and it was practically impossible.  No matter how hard I tried it seemed like the whole world was fighting against allowing that to happen. The tipping point was pain and as I lashed out at the stupidity that was taking over my world I clearly saw my role in it. Instead of pulling back and removing myself from the world for a minute or two I called myself stupid and that allowed a flood of negativity to engulf me. I became so very small and lost in the midst of every mean thing that I've heard. And I couldn't escape into a book or project. I swear I used to be better at handling these moments but I say that about my depression too: The truth is I wasn't. I was better at protecting those I cared about from my moments, I was better at the fake it 'til you make it way of doing things.  I thought that I was protecting them but I was really making sure I wouldn't be rejected. Trying not to hear one more word to put on my list. Now in an attempt to counter the past couple of weeks I will dig around my brain for some positive reenforcement. I remember my Pre-K/kindergarten teacher telling me she preferred my siblings to me, I should be able to recall some love from the same time. I am going to actively work on shutting the negative down,locking it up or piling so much happy and love on it everything else is drowned out.
Happy crafting

Creative Chemistry 103

I'm not late. Creative chemistry 103 was a new class and not a refresher so there was a ton of techniques crammed into one week. And we had time to look over the videos and play with the techniques for the week. I tend to be a little slower than the average bear especially during monsoon season when the weather has way more effect on my health than I really want it to. This time I did something a little bit differently than I've done in past Tim classes. I played with several techniques on the tag or project instead of making the technique example tags. I know me so sometime in the near future I will go through all the classes again and make the tags as he did in the videos but for now I'm just going to go with what I did this round. Besides,my new craft sheet hasn't arrived yet and my current one is beat to hell. I've accidentally cut it twice now and electrical tape can only do so much. When the new one arrives I'll be able to cut this one down to a couple of project sheets. Waste not.

This tag was from day one. I used 4 of the DIY pads I made. I thought buying 6 would be more than enough but they are so much fun I need a few more. 

Another day 1 tag. Pulled out one of my older stamps. Day 2 and again I pulled older supplies.  7 gypsies and Heidi Swapp rub-ons. This is going on a 6x6 layout that has been sitting on my desk.

Day 2 and one of my Club Scrap stamps. They were my first kit club 17 years ago when I started scrapbooking. I was surrounded by 'flowers and bunnies' scrapbooks and supplies so between Club Scrap and Ranger I developed my style.

This will become a collage/mixed media piece inspired by a Prince song when I hear the right one. Majority of my mini canvases are done that way. Oh it's a day 4 tag.

I know most people won't get this tag, Renée didn't at all but it tickles me and will be put in an Arthat journal with an explanation.  This is a blend of days 2 and 3 except I used black embossing paste.

Another day 3 and I used Wendy Vecchi embossing paste which reacts differently than the one used in Time class. I  love both and when I made this it was for anow idea that had been on my mind. Now I'm not sure if i'll do it but I love the tag so I'm sure it will find another home. 

This one combines day 1 with day 3. I see it on a layout at some point. I used the kraft tag pad from Prima for a few of these. They are small but sturdy. 

There was a theme to my playing this class. Everything had a sense of freedom and movement.  I'm hoping it was my excitement at my bike finally being repaired coming through in my scraproom. 

I've enjoyed the weekly blogs. I didn't feel remotely pressured like last time I tried this. I'm going to commit to another 2 months and go from there. Thanks to all those that actually checked out my puttering and ramblings. Happy crafting. 

Summer of Creative Chemistry wk 8

Right now I am missing my Phoenix Art Museum membership. I love going there just to sit in the midst of all the beauty and artwork and just soak up the color was amazing. As soon as I can afford it getting another membership ASAP. While I was there I went to the white shirt display,the white shirt according to me, Gianfranco Ferre`, and it was unbelievable. I took a ton of pictures, not sure what I was going to do with them, this week in Tim's creative chemistry class was perfect. While I have all these photos sitting there being pretty I really wanted to do something that summed up the experience. So a quick layout for one of my books and I'm sure there will be a mini book of all the other photos from that trip. While all the shirts naturally were white I decided to add a pop of color just to make it more me. There is one shirt I absolutely adored and took tons of pictures of that I really wanted to use but I've not found the perfect way to make it look like the fire it is in my head. Once I  play with it some more I will post that one.
On to a small rant. Why the hell aren't any of my alphabet stickers sticky? Is it too much to ask that a STICKER, a flippin' sticker, adhere to a surface! WTF? Rant over

Summer of Creative Chemistry wk 7

I know that I should have posted this yesterday but life was interrupting all the plans I've  had for the past week. I did manage to play with my alcohol inks and complete a few projects I can't post. I don't like to share the things that I make for people before they've received them. Ruins the surprise. Some I like,some will be scrapped. This is the whole point of playing.